This Whole Parenting Thing

This post has been a long time coming.  While there is still a lot of processing for me to do, this is just the beginning of me getting my brain wrapped around the idea of 'Mom!'

Brian and I have been thinking about being parents for a long time.  And I don't just mean, 'It will be great to be parents someday!'  We have read countless books about parenting, attended hours of training, discussed and reflected on our thoughts about parenting as part of our homestudy.  We've processed and answered question after question related to all things parenting.  While we certainly never thought we would be anywhere close to perfect parents, maybe we thought we were jumping into this with our eyes wide open. Haha!  Maybe it was more like peeking out of the corner of an eye...just barely! 

After being home for a about a month, I can honestly say that being a parent is DIFFERENT than what I expected.  In so many ways, it is much harder than I imagined.  As an educator who has worked with children from three years old to fourteen years old, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to expect, but our eleven month old bundle of energy requires so much more of us as parents than I ever thought!  I am way more exhausted than I thought I would be chasing after such a speedy little crawler!  The sleep deprivation (which is thankfully getting better bit by bit) affects me intensely, which then impacts Mikayla as well.  Honestly life revolves around sleep like I never thought it would.  Well rested Mikayla + Well rested parents = Mostly happy family.  Remember in math what happens when something changes on one side of the equation?  Yeah...that balance can be hard!  I am learning that parenting requires the ULTIMATE in flexibility and guess-work creative problem solving.  Just when we think we have something figured out, our little Mikayla throws a new wrench into the situation.  I seriously cannot count the number of times that Brian and I look at each other, shrug our shoulders, palms up, and just go with a decision.  I sometimes wonder if there will ever be a point where some of these decisions come more naturally and confidently.  Maybe, but I have a feeling that there will always be situations that cause the synchronized shoulder shrugs!

This whole parenting is also so much more wonderful than I dreamed.  The feeling I get when she smiles and then cuddles into my chest like she has found a safe haven is awesome.  I have laughed way more in the last month than I have in a long time.  Who knew such a tiny little thing could make you laugh so hard?  Her face is so expressive and I love that each of her facial expressions give us a tiny glimpse into her mind and what she is thinking.  And then there is the joy...the pure peace that we experience, even when it is so hard.  Peace that comes from knowing this is RIGHT for our family.  On one hand I can't believe that we have been home as a family of three for a little over a month, and on the other, I feel like Mikayla has always been here.  I've decided that while I probably have no clue where this journey of parenting will take us, I am happy to be along for the ride.  I've always thought that, after the intial shock, the scariest rides are often the most exhilirating!